You see that shit, Verizon? You have until then to impress me. Otherwise, it gets real.
The Clock Is Ticking
2
Author Archives: Chris
We’re FIGHTING
Verizon Wireless yesterday confirmed that it would not be carrying the Samsung Galaxy S II (widely considered to be the best Android smartphone on the planet) and in so doing dashed my hopes of upgrading anytime in the near future.
My reaction to this news is generally reflected in the responses you’ll find here, but beings how I have my own website, I wanted to make my feelings on this matter perfectly clear.
I hate you right now, Verizon. We’re FIGHTING.
You’ve thrown OG Droid owners who have been waiting months for a great phone under the bus yet again.
In regards to the Droid Bionic, you can stick it. I’ll be absolutely floored if that thing isn’t panned by critics.
In closing:
Holy Hell
Just now emerging from stasis. You’d think I’d have something clever to say, but I don’t.
Here is a brief list of things that have happened to me recently:
- I procreated
- I got a snappy new pair of shoes
- I discovered that I still don’t have the courage to ditch my beard for a mustache
How have you been, Internet?
Fight Song Countdown #1 – Notre Dame (Notre Dame Victory March)
There can be only one!
Admit it, Notre Dame was the only logical conclusion for this countdown.You can accuse me of being a fanboy all you’d like, but deep down in your heart of hearts you know just as well as I do that Notre Dame’s fight song is the greatest and best fight song ever. But you don’t have to take my word for it.
Notre Dame’s fight song is the greatest and best fight song ever. Also, BYU can suck it.
- Abraham Lincoln
Try as you might, you just can’t argue with Abraham Lincoln. Though I’ll admit the BYU comment may have been a bit out of line, he gets a pass on the grounds that he saved our nation and freed the slaves. You’d be surprised how much he plays those cards.
Go Irish!
Fight Song Countdown #2 – Wisconsin (On, Wisconsin!)
ALL HAIL DA MIGHTY BAHJURS!
I’m of the opinion that attending a game at Camp Randall Stadium should be on every college football fan’s bucket list because any place that combines a fanatic enthusiasm for House of Pain, a reputation for vulgar chants, and an above-average appreciation for their band is simply too great to pass up. I know every SEC fan would like to make a case for their school, but Wisconsin (both the school and the state) appeals to me for other reasons.
In the interests of brevity, here is a list of things about Wisconsin (again, school and state) that are great:
- Everything
Done. You can try all you want to convince me that the winter weather sucks, but I’d save your breath. Speaking as someone who grew up in the Rockies, cold weather does a number of good things – chief among them being building character and keeping the pussies away. As an added bonus, being cold affords you the opportunity to drink the cold away, which always yields fantastic results.*
Best of luck in the coming season, Badgers; you’re going to need it.
* Not always; results vary widely between transcendent, euphoric experiences and death.
Fight Song Countdown #3 – Georgia Tech (Ramblin’ Wreck from Georgia Tech)
Georgia Tech, a relatively unknown contender in the world of college fight music, places in our humble countdown.
Georgia Tech, simply put, is a great school. It is a public institution that has a fierce reputation when it comes to academics. And don’t even think about asking about the engineering program – it’s way out of your league.
So if you’re like most people, you’re probably thinking, “Yeah, sure, it’s a good school but all the football players just major in communications, right?”
Mechanical engineering, aerospace engineering, nuclear engineering, biology, management, graduate studies; you get the picture. These guys will run the triple option right by your dumb ass and then make Dean’s List just for fun. Speaking of the triple option, your quarterback is nowhere near this hard. And then there’s the coach - Paul Johnson is a badass, and your argument is invalid.
As far as fight songs go – this one is pretty much perfect. Here is an summarized list of its achievements:
- Set to the tune of a drinking song
- Light cussing and references to alcohol/drinking throughout
- Touts the school’s engineering tradition
- Promotes the gentlemanly tradition of drinking whiskey straight
- Instills rivalry in the next generation
- Sung by Nikita Khrushchev and Richard Nixon – seriously
Cheers to you, Georgia Tech, and your damn fine fight song.
Fight Song Countdown #4 – Texas (Texas Fight)
Many years ago, an old, cantankerous colonel from Texas artfully blended some A&M-flavored Haterade, a blitzkrieg-paced version of “Taps”, and a ripoff of “I’ve Been Working on the Railroad” to create a hulking beast of a fight song that has gone on to piss off entire generations of Aggies and Sooners.
Worth pointing out: the Aggies are in a league of their own when it comes to traditions and their fight song (The Aggie War Hymn) deserves an honorable mention in this countdown.
That said – Hook ‘em.
Fight Song Countdown #5 – Oregon (Mighty Oregon) and USC (Fight On)
Yes, these songs are equally good. Leaving one over the other out of the top five just didn’t make any sense. And since I have friends in both the Oregon and USC camps, I might just be doing this to annoy them. To the songs!
Fight Song Countdown #6 – Michigan (The Victors)
Michigan tops Ohio State, but only in terms of our humble fight song countdown because Michigan beating Ohio State in any other sense would be patently ridiculous. And don’t you dare give me the ‘HEY WE BEAT THEM IN ANOTHER SPORT THAT NO ONE CARES ABOUT!’ bullshit, Poindexter.
Take heart, Wolverine fans – you’ll always have your academics and your excellent ethical, rule-abiding tradition.
Fight Song Countdown #7 – Florida State (War Chant)
Status: boner-inducing*.
* Offer not valid in Gainesville.