Michigan tops Ohio State, but only in terms of our humble fight song countdown because Michigan beating Ohio State in any other sense would be patently ridiculous. And don’t you dare give me the ‘HEY WE BEAT THEM IN ANOTHER SPORT THAT NO ONE CARES ABOUT!’ bullshit, Poindexter.

Take heart, Wolverine fans – you’ll always have your academics and your excellent ethical, rule-abiding tradition.